It’s been three years since I met you. Yup, three years, thirty-six months, one hundred fifty-six weeks, and one thousand ninety-five days. I’ve been holding back my feelings ever since that we met. The reason that is that I want to keep the friendship and I do not want to ruin everything, just like what I did in the past with my other friends that I had confessed my feelings with. Also, the other reason I had in mind is that I feel and I know that it is not yet God’s right timing for me to tell you on how I feel. Some may say that I’m stalling but on my perspective, God’s way is still the best way to go. And another reason why I can’t find the courage in telling you on what I feel is because I am scared. Scared in losing the friendship we have because every time I tell a friend how I feel about, it ends in a very bad way. I lose the friendship. I make enemies (yeah, it happened). So my feelings took a great toll in me. In my life, my studies, and even in my relationships, especially with the one I am having a crush on.
So this is a letter that I hope you’ll read some day. I do not honestly know where and how you will read this but I’m hoping that you will have a chance to read this piece I made. Basically, I do not know where to start and what to say. So let’s start on how I met you, in the library. I was with a friend when I saw you, you were behind the counter in your duty. You were doing nothing, just standing behind the counter waiting for students to come in the counter and borrow some books. I remember, you still have your long curly hair with bangs which was beautiful. Me and my friend sat on the couch while you wait for students and then you and my friend began to have this conversation about something. Well, I never paid attention to your conversation for I was busy looking at you and not just looking, I was staring at you. Well, yes, it was not the first time I had that feeling, having this weird feeling that I am in a trance. But good thing I snapped out of it because it was rude, really rude. So after a few minutes, my friend and I took off and I have this weird feeling inside me. Yes, I also had this feeling to other women so I didn’t entertain it.
Well, days passed, even weeks that I didn’t saw you but still I was still thinking about you. Then I said to myself, let’s just see what happens after three months and I did. After three months, it was June, first day of classes of the first trimester, the feeling did not subside. I still have it! But I again didn’t entertain it for I was afraid that it will consume me. I was afraid that if I will make a move, I will lose you forever and never get my chance in proving my love to you. Days and months may have passed but still I can feel it. No matter what I do, it never subsides and it even grew stronger.
Three years have passed and now what I’m feeling about you is even stronger as ever. I feel like I’m a time bomb, ready to explode at any moment. I feel like I need to confess to you every single bit on what I am experiencing when I am with you. I want to tell you how much I adore you, how I appreciate you and how dear you are to me. When we were in our internship, I wish I had the courage to tell you just even through a simple letter but I do not have that kind of courage.
Right now, I want to confess to you how you mean to me. Yes, I know, you may not be having the same feelings as I do, we may not have that mutual understanding and this is a leap of faith on my part. I don’t know on how you will react but I will lay all my cards down and right now there is no turning back and I can say this is pretty scary. I love you since the first day that we met. Yes it sounds crazy but it is true and right now I am having this jitters and butterflies inside my stomach and my hands are really shaking and sweating. I see you as more than a friend or just a confidant. It’s like when I’m with you, I feel comfortable and I feel like I don’t need to pretend on who I am. It is like God uses you in bringing my true self out. You don’t seem to bother when I look at you or nerd out. Whenever I share my problems with you, you are always ready to give out a helping hand and that I am glad. The beauty that is inside you surpasses everyone I know for you, I saw that you have this heart to help. A pure heart I should say and that made me fall for you. Your heart to serve, your humbleness, your understanding to others, your concern to others, those are the qualities that made your beauty shine.
I really hope that someday you may have the chance to read this and I hope that you will receive this with positivity. I hope if you don’t feel the same way with me, I pray that we remain as friends but if we have this mutual feelings for each other, I hope and pray that our friendship will blossom and would turn out to be something good.